Today began my official day of training for the races I hope to be able to participate in for the year 2014. Some of my fellow runner friends decided to do 14 races in the year 2014. At first I was hesitant but now I am completely on board! I very excited to be able to run again without any severe pain in my legs during my run or severe pains after my run. I think my body really just needed a rest from the strain that I had been putting it through over the past year.
Today I ran 3.05 miles to prepare myself for the race that is coming on Saturday which is a 5k (3.1 miles). In preparation for my run today I decided to make a running playlist to help keep me motivated. On a later post I will share that playlist with you for any of those who are looking for some new music to listen to during your runs. One of the songs on my current running playing list oddly enough is from the movie Frozen. (Side note: If you haven't seen the movie it really is a must see. It's been a long time since I have been impressed with a Disney movie and this one impressed me). It is entitled "Let It Go" and is sung by the oh so talented Idnia Menzel. While I was running, certain lyrics struck a chord with me and I would like to share those lyrics and thoughts with all of you. For those who know the song I am referring to, the lyrics, "The cold never bothered me anyway" are clearly NOT the lyrics that struck a chord with me. HAHA! Anybody who has been around me for more than 30 minutes knows I am forever and always cold regardless of the temperature inside or outside the house. However, I digress..
(Necessary back story/information)
I suffer with a little problem called anxiety. I have no health insurance and no way to get on anxiety medication. Not to mention I would really like to control my anxiety through other means. Not that I am knocking anyone who is currently on anxiety medication because I know several people who have been immensely helped with the use of anxiety medication. I am simply relaying my thoughts for me as an individual person. One way I deal with my anxiety is through running. You can imagine how disappointed I was when I decided I needed to take a break from running and how my anxiety levels fluctuated a great deal during that time period. Over the past month or so I have been suffering with a lot of anxiety. On occasion I can pinpoint the cause of my anxiety in which case I generally deal with the situation at hand. However, sometimes the situation that is causing my anxiety I don't necessarily have control over. That has been the case over the last month. Not to mention I am both elated and terrified that this is my last semester of my college career and in 123 days I will have to make very grown up decisions and try to figure out where my life is headed yet again. Life is stressful but honestly life is also so very wonderful even with anxiety :)
Ok so now that I have told the world that I have anxiety let me get back on track with today's "training" session. Due to the stress/anxiety I have been feeling lately, I went to the gym (it was raining) and ran the track upstairs as fast and as hard as I could. Running literally relieves all the tension that is built up inside my chest due to my anxiety. During one of my fast sprints "Let It Go" came on and as I said previously, a few of the lyrics just spoke to me. These are those lyrics and why they spoke to me:
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.
Don't let them in, don't let them see.
Be the good girl you always had to be.
Conceal don't feel, don't let them know.
Well, now they know!
( I used to pretend I didn't have anxiety and I would just bottle it up inside and be miserable. I also thought for the longest time that I was one of the only people who had an issue with anxiety. So that made me feel isolated and clearly I'm amazing which makes me a Queen right? ;) I have now learned that it's ok to have anxiety and that a lot more people have it than are willing to let on. Not to mention I just told the world, aka the 3 people that read this blog, about my anxiety)
It's funny how some distance,
makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do,
to test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong, no rules for me. I'm free!
(This is how I feel when I run. My anxiety goes away completely and stays away for a while after each run. During my run the limits are endless and I feel like I can do anything even if I am barely running. Some people refer to this as a "runner's high" In that brief moment of time when I am running all is right in the world and I am free!! )
Let it go, let it go.
And I'll rise like the break of dawn.
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand, in the light of day.
(Running is the one place where I can let my anxiety go and it gives me the energy and desire to keep running until it is all gone. When I run I feel like I don't have to pretend to be able to keep everything all bottled up inside. Running is my outlet for my stress/anxiety)
Those are some of the lyrics and the song in and of itself is amazing not to mention the movie. What is more amazing is the fact that I lead an incredibly blessed life. I have made some mistakes, I have dealt with repercussions from others' mistakes and yet through it all I have been blessed! I consider running one of those many blessings I have been given by my Heavenly Father. He knows me and He knows that I need a way to deal with my anxiety levels. He has not only given me amazing family and friends but He has also given me the ability to be able to run and to run well (once I am back in shape again.) I didn't really understand how running was truly a blessing until I could no longer do it. Perhaps that was a lesson I needed to learn. I needed to be humbled and realize that running may not always be there so I need to enjoy it while I have it and not to be so hard on myself when runs don't go as I would have liked them to.
That is exactly what happened today when I ran. Here are my stats from my "training session" today. It shows a treadmill but I ran on the indoor track not the treadmill. You will notice that it took me 45 minutes to run 3.05 miles at an average pace of almost 15 minutes per mile.
This is NOT the norm for me. It was actually very discouraging to me because I have a race coming up. However, my good friend/running partner K.J reminded me of a motivational picture I sent her just last night because she experienced a similar run on Saturday. I highly recommend sharing your stats with fellow runners, who aren't competitive, because they generally have had similar stats and feelings and will usually have some words of encouragement for you. I am very grateful to my friend K.J and R.C for their constant encouragement. Especially when I decided to begin running again. Here is the quote that was shared amongst fellow runners:
Life is great even when it's bad!
For those who are seasoned runners or runners who are just beginning my wish for all of you is to remember: "EVERY RUN IS A BLESSING"
After my run :)
Such insight into your life through your blog. I totally just heard that song for the first time yesterday and for the second time today. It is a good song. I'm glad you're able to start running again. Just like your shirt says, keep calm :)
ReplyDeleteLove you and your skinny running self!